Dec(imate)cember

So! Because I can't help but brag when something in my life gets screwed up.

Friday I drove down to Philly with my mom. I dropped myself off at Rachel's, and the idea was that she'd go on and check herself into a hotel in the city. Not like there aren't plenty. That was about 6:30 PM. That was also the last time anyone spoke to my mother.

Okay, that's not entirely true. But it sounds good and dramatic. Here's what happened.

I enjoyed myself Friday evening, most of Saturday (it was my grandmother's 87th birthday), and even Sunday. Sunday evening, I started to get nervous because my mom was supposed to call me, because we were supposed to drive back up that day. No word from her, and her phone doesn't even ring.

Monday I go in with Rach and sit in a Starbucks for seven hours while she's at school. Still no word from my mom, and I've been getting hella calls from people looking for her. This is the point at which I start really freaking out. I'm missing two tests and I'm supposed to be handing in an essay. Freaking exams are next week. What can I do, thought?

No word Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or Thursday. Wednesday morning my sister files a missing person's report. I'm called or calling every five minutes by or to my grandmother, my sister, my half-aunt, my godmother, or my father.

Finally, one of us gets into my mom's email and discovers she stayed in a hotel in Maryland, and she bought a plane ticket to Montego Bay (Jamaica). Turns out she doesn't end up getting on the plane, so we're back to square one. She also bought herself a new phone, but she won't answer that one either.

Yesterday, finally, some good news. One of us heard from her shrink that she was in contact with him. He would only tell us that "she is in a safe place" and nothing more. My sister called him a bureaucratic ass, which I'm inclined to agree with. But we can infer from this that my mother is now probably either in a psych ward somewhere or living in a hotel and only communicating with her doctor.

Definitely an improvement.

I've gone through a lot of emotions. Fear, obviously, mass amounts. Anger, again in quantity. I've gone between considering throwing furniture across the room to bursting into tears in half-seconds. The whole situation has been, well, you know, it's just blown.

The timing of it really couldn't have been better. I got thrown over right at one of the most crucial points. She was supposed to start her job (yeah, the one she was supposed to actually start in September) this week. She missed my grandmother's birthday. She picked a time that would achieve the most collateral damage.

But those are angry words. I can't actually say whether or not she picked the time. It's unfair to assume maliciousness on her part. The fact is, I am glad that she's finally getting help. Over the past year, her behavior has been, uh, erratic. Of course, the fact that she finally snapped is completely my fault. I've been the one who's been hardest on her.

Now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces and get on with things. I've been living with Rachel and her family and they've been, well, I don't think I'll ever be able to repay them. They've shown me such a tremendous amount of support that they really didn't have to. I've got a lot I need to try and get done to get my life on track, and I just couldn't do it without them, especially Rachel.

To recap November a bit: Rachel's birthday was good, if quiet. She seemed to like her gifts. The day of my birthday was good, as I spent it with Rachel. As an event it sucked for reasons not worth getting into (boiling down to no one in my family really caring). Thanksgiving was also terrible.

2007 is easily going to go down as the most messed up year in my life. Unparalleled highs and lows. Long and crazy and busy. I hope things settle down a bit, I'm just afraid that the shock of not having a new crisis every week would kill me. No, no I'm not, that would actually be terrific.