Wild horses

The past two years, I've attended the NCACS conference with my school. This year, the conference is being held in Colorado, which is too far for my school to get to. Next year, after I graduate, the conference is actually going to be held at my school. Of course.

To replace the trip, we tried to plan an outreach sort of thing, where we'd travel around and say hello to some of the other alternative schools. For whatever reason, all the plans lost momentum and eventually fell through. Finally, one stuck. A two-night trip to a state park.

So it is that tomorrow I'll be speeding towards Maryland with a few of my friends, and a few kids I go to school with. There are some cool people going, so I think it should be a pretty good time. My biggest fear is that somebody gets caught doing something stupid and everyone gets stuck in meetings.

But yeah. I'll take photos and stuff. I'll have my cellphone with me, but I don't know if I'll get a chance to recharge, so I'll only have it on for a few minutes a day to check my messages and such. I'll also check my email, and I'll probably twitter some too.

The title comes from where we'll be camping. Apparently it's got wild ponies running around. I may try to ride one.

More college stuff

At this point, I've heard back from all of the colleges I've applied to. Of the five I applied to, I got admitted to three and waitlisted at two. I'd name names, but that would probably be a little unwise since I want to see how these waitlists play out.

Of the three choices I know I have right now, I have decided which one to put my deposit down for. Earlier today, I RSVPd for the admitted student's thing they have this Friday. It's a good school, and I'd be very happy with going there if the waitlists don't go my way.

Again, I don't want to give too much detail, just in case. I've been surprised and really pleased with things so far. I was really worried about my applications; the only thing not sketchy about my transcript were my admittedly good SAT scores. Besides those, everything I had to show was really all over the place.

I was also lucky to get some excellent recommendations from some excellent teachers. It's unlikely they're reading this, but I really owe them a lot of thanks. It's also lucky that colleges are looking more kindly upon homeschoolers.

Getting that first letter saying I was admitted was a little mind-blowing. The impact of the knowledge that, regardless of what else the mail brought, I would, for certain, be going to college in September really struck me - and still does. Even though I've had some college experience already, I wonder if I'm prepared.

I'm lucky because I know I'll be able to handle the work. I know that, like at previous schools, I'll gravitate to the awesome people. It even looks like I'll be going to a school within weekend-commute distance of Rachel, which rocks. But I've never really lived on my own before for more than a week's time. I've never had a roommate, or had to deal with living in close proximity to a bunch of college "dudes".

Despite all of that, I do think I'm up to it. I'm anxious, of course, and somewhat apprehensive. My mind is naturally drawn to think of all the ways that things could go wrong, and makes the best-case scenario look increasingly unlikely. I know everything will be all right; if the past four years have taught me anything, it's that I can bounce back from a lot. I'd still like the least amount of non-academic strain.

I only have two credits to make up to get my diploma. Graduation is approaching terrifyingly fast. I have some trouble dealing with the feeling of time running out - I do feel like I haven't gotten enough done during high school. I just have to make the most of the next four and a half months and look back on everything that I have accomplished.

Getting things on track

Things have been happening recently. Good, life-affirming things. I finally got my high school transcript together and sent off to colleges, and as part of working to do that, I got reenrolled at school. I'll be finishing the year out there, not so much for the last credits I need to graduate, but just to keep me from stagnating alone in my room.

The school's changed from when I was there last year. There are a lot of new kids, way more than usual, and a lot of the pivotal people graduated last year. Maybe it's just me, but the atmosphere is just different. More closed, somehow. It could just be me; but I'm having a harder time feeling like I belong. I've still got friends and all, but they don't seem to be around like they used to.

That's not to say it isn't a great feeling being back. This place has been a second home to me, and I'm getting to play music with people a little bit again. I don't know if it would be different if I had been here from the beginning of the year. Maybe I could have helped keep things awesome. But I probably would have just changed with everyone else.

Aside from school, the other good thing that happened is that I got my voter registration card. I wanted to register Independent, since that would have been honest, but more than that I wanted to vote in the primary this year. Thus it is that I am a registered democrat.

The new dilemma in my life, or at least more prominent that it was, is that my driver's permit expires on Friday. I've certainly clocked enough experience to pass a driver's test, except that I've never parallel parked. I also feel like it's a little pointless getting licensed, because even if I do, I still won't have a car of my own to get around in. But I will renew my permit next week, as I am reluctant to relinquish the small amount of liberty it bestowed.

Weird things

So in the time between my last post and this my attitude towards where I go to college has changed a bit. That is to say, I'm now constantly worrying about where I'm getting in. Every college I applied to I did so because I want to go there, but what if I just don't get accepted? I know at least one place is a sure thing, but still.

A couple weeks ago I had to update GmailThis! to reflect some changes that Google made. While I was at it, I had some time to waste and added a PayPal donation button. To my immense surprise, somebody actually gave me $5. Man, if I had added that three years ago, maybe I'd actually have some cash. So I just wanted to thank that awesome dude who did that.

The weekend wasn't amazing. Friday didn't turn out really like I would have liked. Rachel and I went over to Gabo's to model for her. We went out afterwards to see some live music that wasn't terrible but wasn't stunning either. It could have been a decent enough time but the timing of the whole thing was terrible. Personal stuff that it's not my business to go into. I definitely feel responsible since I sort of planned it.

The painting came out pretty nicely though.

Saturday was okay. I spent some of the day in a Starbucks that I'm starting to have weird feelings about. I always run into people there. I didn't mind this time because it was a pretty cool person to bump into. Still, given that I never seem to bump into people I know, I feel like that place is some sort of odd nexus in my life.

Sunday was also not so great. Rachel got sick and felt pretty terrible all day. I was happy that I got to be there for her and fetch water and so on, but I hope she gets better soon. Her mom's having a party Wednesday that we're going to be waiter-ing at, and I certainly don't want to be carrying around those plates of shrimp-on-a-stick by myself.

I got my voter registration mailed recently. I wanted to register Independent, since that would be honest, but I ended up registering Democrat so I can vote in the primary. I had been previously supporting Edwards because I thought he was just adorable, but with him dropped out I guess I'm an Obama man. Truthfully I get more nauseated by Hillary every time I see her. She unsettles me on an Uncanny Valley sort of level.

Valentine's Day is coming up and I'm feeling a bit hesitant about it. I think right now my official policy is going to be "I don't need a greeting card holiday to mandate when I express affection to my significant other" but I've got a few tentative things planned that would make that seem marginally hypocritical. Shh, don't tell.

College post

I finally got my college applications in on the first of the month. It was the super ultra final deadline for most of the places I'm applying to. Actually, it was two weeks late for some, but they had offered me an extension so it was okay. The application process has been pretty interesting and I'm hoping I never go through it again.

I'm not going to go through every step, but I basically did all of the necessary work the day it was due. I hate doing that but that just always seems to happen. I was lucky enough that Rachel came over after school and helped keep me on track. She saved me a lot of stress; if she hadn't been there I probably would have hit submit a few minutes before midnight totally stressed out.

At this point, only one of the colleges I was originally planing on applying to stayed on the list. I'm still so relieved just to have the thing done that I hardly care where I get into, so long as I get into someplace. Of course, I say that now, but I'm going to be a nervous wreck when those envelopes start coming.

It's really taken a lot of my mind to have this done with. Now, maybe, I can get on with all of that other stuff that I have to get done without getting paralyzed by anxiety. That would be pretty nice. I'm done in Pennsylvania staying at my dad's place for a bit and I'm hopinh the environment is more conducive to me keeping it together.

So?vember

October seems to have just flown by. I'm not going to be over-specific on what I've done, because my memory's not that good and figuring what happened when would require a fair amount of effort, but: Good things about October in some particular disorder.

• Spending the night at Gus', meeting his new niece, meeting his girlfriend, and hot-tubbing.
• Going to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire with Rachel and Chris. Was a little worried, since they'd be meeting for the first time and they come from totally different parts of my life, but we had a good time and they seemed to get along.
• Finally seeing Superbad with Rachel, Gus, and Ben. Brilliant, truly the representative movie of my generation.
• Getting my new passport. Sure, the photo is terrifying but it's already making my life easier.
• Hanging out at Chris' and playing Soul Calibur 3 and Mario Kart: Double Dash with him and his brother until two in the morning.
• Went to Rachel's homecoming. I thought it was much better than last year, I was more comfortable and confident and let myself have more fun.

In general terms, things have been pretty good. I seem to be rocking most of classes with Bs and As. Greek has taken over my life and I wake up conjugating verbs. Getting home weekends has been hard and tiring but almost always worth it.

I didn't really have anything planned for Halloween, but when I woke up I had an unexpected burst of spirit and did my best to make myself look like Mr. Rogers in time for school. Unfortunately, I realized that I had no idea if Canadians ever had Mr. Rogers on TV. I sure hope they did. My costume was pretty decent though. We only got two trick-or-treaters, one of whom was our 20-something neighbor dressed up as King Leonidas. It was pretty awesome. It was a decent Halloween.

Right now I'm sitting in the international terminal of Ottawa Int'l Airport, waiting for my flight to Philadelphia. Today's Rachel's birthday, so I'm flying down so I can have a bit more time with her than usual. We don't have anything in particular planned for the weekend but I think it'll be pretty good.

The wheels on the bus

Yesterday a whole bunch more drama got dropped into life. My grandmother fell and broke her hip and went to the hospital. The doctors wanted to operate, but she's an extremely poor candidate due to various things. My mom had to drive down immediately to over see things, and I'm getting around thanks to my godmother and her family.

Luckily, it seems things aren't as serious as it first seemed with my grandmother. So now, of course, I'm just worried with how it affects my weekend plans. I had wanted to get home this weekend, but my mom took with her all my documentation, which makes getting across the border tricky. Through a wonderful coincidence, my dad had to fly up to Vancouver, so he's FedExing me my birth certificate, which, with what ID I have on me, should be enough to get me in.

The only hitch is whether or not it'll get here in time tomorrow for me to catch a bus, first to Montreal, then to New York or something (I'm not totally clear on the details yet). It's a heinous bus ride, 14.5-16.5 hours, that I'm not much looking forward to at all, but what can I say. It's important for me to get home.

Classes are going all right. Some of my professors are great, some of them not very. For some reason, though, I always seem to get terrible English professors. My last one spelled "greatest" with an i. My current one told us about the theme of "solopsism" in the story we read. She then told us not to worry, that big words like that wouldn't be on the exam. Criminy.

I'm starting to enjoy Greek more. For whatever reason, I've always gotten a lot of pleasure out of translating English into Latin, and now that we've gotten far enough in Greek to do some translation, I'm finally getting interested. It also helps that I'm more getting the hang of the crazy accents and suchlike.

I'm just hoping this weekend goes off all right. And that I don't get stranded in New York or something. It should be an adventure.

Changes

Things are going all right up here. My classes are rolling along, I'm doing what I can to stay in touch with people - I don't think my phone's ever seen so much action. Even this weekend passed by pretty easily.

Last weekend was much better, of course. I went down to grab some stuff (just the essential: clothes, a guitar, a bass, and my speaker set) and to see Rachel. Over the next weekends that I go down I plan on diversifying my time so that I don't spend all of it with on person, but this weekend I spent what time I had with Rachel.

Unfortunately, Rachel was sick. I felt really bad for her, since I knew she would have cancelled in other circumstances. As it was, I has a good weekend. We went to the Adventure Aquarium, where I haven't been in many years, and we saw Mirrormask, which was good. It was really good to see her again. Too short a time later I had to go, but I did take something away with me: whatever mild seasonal illness it was that Rachel had.

A question I seem to get a lot is: What do I do up here? The answer is a little disappointing. It's just not that different. My weekends are pretty much the same as they were before I had a girlfriend. There's about as much happening in my neighborhood as there was where I moved from.

The loneliness does get to me, of course. After two full weeks of classes, I've had a total of three conversations. (I think here is where I give a shout-out to Katie, whom I had the longest and most quality of those conversations with). Here's the weird thing: A similar phenomenon seems to be happening to all of the people who I'm closest to.

All of my best friends have told me that this year is feeling really lonely. Obviously, there's a common thread in that for all of them, a good friend moved to Canada, but I think it's larger than that. Maybe part of it is thinking about college. This is the year before the biggest separation most people will know.

Given how senior year has been hyped up since as far back as I can remember, I don't know if people have been grossly misleading, or if things will get better, or if I'm just weird and have weird friends. I'm banking on the things will get better theory. Personally, of course, I am regretful that I'll probably not know what it's like to be a senior. Instead, I'll get to be a college freshman twice. That's not exactly a fair trade, to my mind.

One of the biggest things this has done is made me appreciate what I had and have. It's so very cliche, of course, but nevertheless. Even stranger, and one thing I certainly wasn't expecting, is the feelings of patriotism that have been awakened within me. Here's how that happened.

I'm taking Greek I. I didn't know this, but Greek is a completely insane language. I could rant about that for quite some time so just take me on my word. In one of the more introductory classes my professor was talking about how the accent of spoken Greek changed. He said that the same thing had happened in Canada, too; that if you go to the film archives and dig back a few decades, you'll find that the Canadian accent used to be much stronger. My professor said that it's been highly Americanized. And for the first time, I felt proud, really proud to be an American.

How sick is that?